


The Last Night

by linguisticnightmare



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abandonment, First Kiss, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Not a Love Story, Self-Harm, Suicide, Vent story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 08:14:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30102969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/linguisticnightmare/pseuds/linguisticnightmare
Summary: A small vent story about Akaashi's one sided love with Bokuto.
Kudos: 3





	The Last Night

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, sorry this is written pretty poorly. I was in a pretty gnarly headspace and wrote this as an escape. I'm probably not going to change it or anything, but it's possible that I may pick it up and continue it. Enjoy your reading!!

Akaashi didn’t ever want to admit this..empty feeling in his chest. His fingers trailed over his own chest, rubbing over his sternum as he felt the thin, weak beats of his own heart. Bokuto. The Great Horned Owl. The only person he’d ever found himself caring for, someone he babied because he felt he had a purpose with Bokuto.

The golden eyes that pierced his soul, sharpened with time and only made his heart swell. He’d been in love for..way too long. Akaashi hated that he couldn’t stop himself from falling for him. He was always there for the other player, always there to have his back, to support him, to keep encouraging him. With each passing day, he couldn’t help how his gaze lingered on the third year. The energetic, sporadic and intense third year who had become Akaashi’s world. His world that seemed to come crashing down in mere days. 

His home life was never all that great, but it seemed as though the verbal abuse picked up once he had told his parents about his captain. Then the last straw struck. Their team had been out and about together, team building or whatever. Bokuto’s hands running up Akaashi’s arms, over his shoulders, trailing over his sensitive neck until they cupped the fragile setter’s cheeks. The shorter male was flushed, staring at his upperclassman until Bokuto leaned down, pressing their lips together firmly. Soft, gentle, comforting, God it felt like heaven to Akaashi. He wanted to lean in further, but Bokuto drew back, a grin evident on his face as he exclaimed, “Sorry, Aggaaashiii! Yamato dared me! Come on, let’s catch up with the team!” 

Akaashi turned in early that night, body moving on autopilot as he escaped into the confines of his room. He didn’t remember the last time the urge had been so strong, and he gave in so easily. He pulled the small lock box from beneath his futon, fingers punching in the code as he placed it on his bedside table. Glistening in the soft gleam of his lamp sat the blade and supplies. Was he really doing this? Akaashi shook his head slightly, reaching out for the blade as he decided he needed the quick release. 

Practice came sooner than he would’ve hoped, the thick tights clasping against the fresh wounds on his thighs but he pushed off the slight stinging feeling as he slid on his shorts. The locker rooms were always a mess, this wasn’t something uncommon. It was as if the entire team had chosen to ignore him today, which he was internally grateful for, but damn did he feel isolated. Even practice went to hell, the coach screaming in his face that he’s slacking, the team getting pissed at his shitty sets. Akaashi ended up requesting to sit out for a bit, even though he could feel those golden eyes burrowing straight through him. He was a disappointment. How could he ever support Bokuto if he couldn’t even set for him? 

Akaashi only grew worse, getting to the point where their coach benched him during practices, to the point where the verbal abuse from his home life mixed with the screams of their coach and he couldn’t even bear to go on team trips. Nobody seemed to notice the wedge driven between him and the team, Bokuto surely didn’t even seem to miss him all that much. His fingers grazed over the tights that cling to his legs, a sigh escaping his lips as he glanced around the locker room. He had to change out of them, the piles of fresh wounds never ended, scars already starting to appear. Akaashi checked the room once more before he rushed to undress, and change into his school pants, but in his midst of panic, he tripped and fell. The loud thunk resonated in the locker room, and he could hear footsteps approaching and he felt like he was going to vomit. “Akaashi? Are you oka-....Are you a cutter?” 

Akaashi didn’t bother to show up to practice anymore, finding barely any motivation to do so. He’d watch those golden eyes from afar, heard the echoing 'hey's that the upperclassman cheered in every instance. Then he noticed where the others eyes always landed. Always landed on her. Their manager, a new girl who caught the owl’s eyes. Of course, she was a head turner. Of course he lost his only purpose in life to a girl who would probably manipulate him. Why couldn’t he just step up and say something? Oh, right. Because nobody would listen to Akaashi now. An ex athlete desperate for attention. That’s what he was. 

Akaashi played with the bottle of sleeping meds a little, listening to the soft rattling of the pills within the container. Could he admit to Bokuto that he wasn’t happy? Maybe he should confess, get his love out there in the world, even though he knew it’d be rejected. The ding of his phone made him peek up, Akaashi reaching out to read the message. 

‘Akaashi!! It’s Bokuto, the team mentioned something about an incident in the locker room a while ago and I wanted to come see you about it!! I’ll be over in a couple minutes! Be ready ;D’ 

Tears slowly pricked at Akaashi’s eyes, his body working to hide away the evidence of his self harm, the evidence of his poor mental state, the trash of room that he slept in. He rubbed at his eyes, stashing away the bottle of pills as he heard his parents answering the door. No place to hide now. Akaashi rubbed away the tears, returning to his natural stoic look when Bokuto entered his room. He wasn’t energetic or happy or anything like that. It was as if he was in his emo mode again. Akaashi went to ask what was wrong, but his back was pushed against the wall whim hands tucked up the sleeves of his sweater, making him squirm. “Akaashi, why wouldn’t you talk to us! I could’ve helped you, I want to be a good upperclassman! Come on, where are they?!”

“Bokuto-San! Stop, please, I’m fine! You’re hurting me!” Akaashi managed to push away the team captain, shaking his head with tears in his eyes. He fixed his sleeves, hands patting and pulling down his jeans to keep them from pulling at his wounds. Bokuto was staring at him, tears in his eyes, and Akaashi wanted nothing more than to comfort him. “It’s personal, Bokuto-San.. maybe I can explain it to you tomorrow. I really don’t want to talk about it.” 

Akaashi snagged the bottle of pills, eyes glancing to the bathroom which held the owl he had fallen in love with. There was no fixing Akaashi, no helping him. He didn’t want to burden Bokuto with more problems than he already has. He hoped he could hold the captain one last time before the pills really kicked in. He swallowed back a handful, and stowed away the rest when he heard the door open again, revealing the angelic face of the owl before him. Akaashi could never get sick of those piercing golden eyes, those beautifully spiked locks. He shook it off, feeling his futon dip as Bokuto plopped down beside him, worried grin evident as he stared up at Akaashi. “My parents got a little abusive recently and a couple things with the team and stuff had pushed me over the edge. Simple as that..”

“I won’t leave you alone ever again.” Those words would never be enough and the two knew it. But it went unspoken, the two seeming to just accept that there was nothing else to explain. Akaashi laid beside the larger male, facing those beautiful eyes as he felt the drowsiness sink in. This was the end, what should he say? His fingers interlocked with Bokuto’s, offering a genuine smile. “I know you’ll hate me after this. It’s okay. Please forgive me for this. I just..want you to know that I always have and always will love you..even if I never see..you again, I’ll wait…..I’ll wait for you, for eternity." 

"...I love you, Koutarou Bokuto…” 

Akaashi could feel the other ripping away, as if disgusted by his proclamation. The denial felt like a stab to the heart, hearing the owl sputter our excuses, especially about the girl he’d fallen for. How he just wanted to be a good senpai. Akaashi kept smiling, even though he felt like his guts were being carved out of him, the tears making his vision blurry until Bokuto had escaped his room, and most likely his home, yelling. Akaashi remained still, feeling as though he was completely paralyzed in his futon. He could feel himself slowly slipping into his slumber and he gave up on smiling. Bokuto was gone. No matter the promise, this was his last night and...

He was alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to write a different ending if you want! I left it open because I personally couldn't decide how I wanted it to end. I may pick it up, I may leave it as is. I'm not sure. If you choose to write another ending for it, please let me know!! I'd love to read it!


End file.
